Sinners and Saints
by paperbkryter
Summary: Ruby discovers some unsettling truths about Sam, Dean, and herself that may ultimately lead to her own salvation.


Author's Note: I wrote this after "In the Beginning" aired. I had questions I needed answered. These are my answers, which differ from what those answers actually turned out to be as revealed in subsequent episodes. In any case, here's what I came up with. Thanks for reading.

* * *

Ruby was waiting for Sam, and she was infinitely patient. It was perhaps the only good thing to come out of the centuries she'd spent in Hell. Hell forced you to be patient, just as it forced you to be a lot of things, because there was no point in getting antsy about what was to come. What was to come was the same as what had come before – pain and suffering. Past, present and future were all the same in the Pit. It was akin to waiting, only the word "waiting" implied an ending, or at the very least, a change.

In any case "suspense" meant very little to a demon. What happened would happen, and all in good time.

The waitress came by, asked her if she wanted more iced tea. She took a refill. Sam was late for his lesson. A quick check revealed her body in need of sustenance so she ordered a club sandwich. More waiting. How long did it take to make a damn sandwich?

She checked her watch with a little turn of her lip. For all that Sam assured her he wasn't having second thoughts about the choices he'd made, Ruby remained skeptical. Dean made a big difference. She'd seen the change in Sam the minute he became convinced the man who looked like his brother _was _his brother returned from the dead, alive and whole.

How?

That was the problem with being a lone wolf. Sometimes she was able to get all the scuttlebutt floating around among the demon-kind, but most of the time she didn't. She wasn't sure which was the case in this situation. Were they shutting out one they considered a traitor, or were they just as perplexed as she regarding Dean Winchester's mysterious reappearance among the living? The only thing Ruby knew for certain was that no demon she had ever heard of could have freed Dean from Hell, let alone restore him to a fully healed body.

She'd nearly pissed her pants when she opened the door and saw him standing there with Bobby. Her first thought was that in his grief the old man had gone and done something stupid, but that wasn't Bobby Singer's style. A second glance and she sensed the truth. No scent of death clung to Dean's body. His soul was clean, unbound, and very much _Dean_.

Sam _said_ he wanted to keep going, learn all he could about the abilities he'd been given, but saying and doing were two different things; as different as having Dean around, and not having Dean around. Ruby had put the ball in his court, given him an easy out if he'd wanted to end it. She gave Sam to Dean, and Sam had refused to go, choosing to keep her in his confidence and at his side.

Once she would have considered that a coup of monumental proportions. Now it just made her....sad?

A plate with her sandwich and a pile of fries was set down on the table in front of her by a hand most definitely not belonging to her waitress. Beyond the scent of her food she could smell leather and woodsmoke. Light flashed off a silver ring as he stole a fry and sat down on the other side of her booth.

"Hello, Ruby."

Without looking up, Ruby slowly pulled the little fringed toothpick out of one half of her sandwich. "You're as bad as your brother with names. It's Kristy."

"Riiiight, and I'm Clint Eastwood." She felt his eyes run up and down her body. "I liked the blond better. Where'd you dig this one up? A dumpster?"

Ruby dropped the pretense, there was no point. He knew the truth. He also pissed her off. "Fuck you, Dean."

"Sorry. I don't do my brother's leftovers. Whoa...."

A knife quivered in the tabletop halfway to her plate, just inches from his hand. "Get your own."

Dean withdrew his hand with a mirthless smile. Ruby smothered her fries in ketchup. Neither one of them spoke for a few minutes, giving Ruby time to consume the first half of her sandwich and most of the fries. He waited for her to finish.

Yeah. Hell taught you patience if nothing else.

"Where's Sam?" Ruby asked finally, wiping her fingers on a paper napkin and taking a sip of her tea. "You tie him up and stuff him in a closet?"

"Funny."

"I wouldn't put it past you, Dean. After all, you trapped me in a basement and left me there."

"He's been delayed." Dean met her eye, and then shrugged. "I taught Sammy the basics. For everything else under the hood he needs a mechanic."

"You sabotaged the car."

"Damn skippy."

Ruby sighed. She'd forgotten how much he _tried_ her patience. "Okay, so you recognized me. What do you want?"

"I want to know just what you and Sam have been up to while I've been gone – besides the obvious." Reaching into his pocket, Dean withdrew a bra and tossed it at her. "You're moving up in the world, Ruby. C-cup. Niiice."

With disdain she didn't have to fake, Ruby picked up the bra and stuffed it into her own pocket. The bastard had gotten ketchup on it. "You're a shit."

"He's lying to me isn't he? He's using that psychic stuff, and you're right there with him aren't you?"

"You honestly thought he'd leave it alone after you were gone? Naive, Dean, real naive." Ruby ate a fry. "And while we're on the subject..." Raising her eyes, she gave him a cool look. "Let's talk about lies."

Dean's lip curled in a snarl that was startlingly unbecoming on such a pretty man. "Let's not and say we did."

Ruby couldn't help feeling smug, and she desperately wanted to toy with him, hurt him, piss him off even more, but she refrained. Four months ago she might not have been so magnanimous. It wasn't just her appearance that had changed. _She_ had changed. Ever since she had become intimate with Sam, when he awoke in her more memories of the humanity she'd lost, she'd found it easier to embrace the part of her that had remained human. Sam nurtured it, helped it grow. Ruby sometimes wondered if one day she would _be_ human again, and wasn't quite sure how she felt about that prospect; if it were even possible.

"Sam makes his own decisions. He's stubborn, and willful, and proud. Do you have any idea at all of how badly it hurt him to lose you?"

Dean gave her a hard stare. "Uh, yeah. I think I have some experience with loss, Ruby."

She tipped her head in acquiescence, acknowledging her error. Of course he knew, or he would have never made his dumb-ass deal in the first place. "He busted open Pandora's Box all on his own, but had sense enough to realize what he found inside was more than he could handle by himself. He came to me for help."

"So you're just helping him down the highway to Hell, is that it?"

"You stupid prick, I'm showing him how to control his abilities, so they won't control him!" Ruby leaned over the table, lowering her voice as she noted eyes beginning to turn their way. "In the past month alone he's sent more than a dozen demons back to the pit – without killing a single one of the humans they were possessing."

"An exorcism does the same damn thing!"

"IF you can trap the demon first, and IF you have a powerful enough ritual," Ruby hissed. "Not only that, you have to perform them one at a time. Sam has no such restrictions. Isn't this what you wanted, Dean? He's continuing your father's work. He's _saving _people...."

"This isn't what I meant, dammit! These things he can do, they're stained with our mother's blood! The thing that did this to him _murdered_ her, and I'm supposed to look the other way and let him run with it?"

"Yes! Why not? Let him make something good come from your mother's death."

"It's not _good_ no matter what he does with it. The power comes from Hell, and was given to him by a demon!" Catching his breath, Dean curled his fingers into the surface of the table, leaning toward her to underscore his urgent message. "Stop trying to justify what you're doing, Ruby. Hell corrupts anything it touches. Anything, and any_one_! It'll swallow him whole if he keeps this up, and you damn well know it too."

Ruby started to protest, but then stopped herself as she looked into his eyes. He hadn't been there long enough to be turned, but he'd been there more than long enough to have picked up more than a few scars. Apparently he'd also learned a few things about the way things worked down in the Pit. Ruby, however, wasn't ready to admit that potentially, he could be correct.

"You underestimate him," she said.

"You _over_estimate him," Dean shot back. He made a sour face."And as _sick_ as it makes me to say this, Yellow-Eyes knew what he was doing when he killed Jessica."

Jessica. Sam's girlfriend, the woman he wanted to marry. Ruby frowned. "I'm not following."

"Sam's weakness. We all knew it. Dad, the demon, me..." Raising a hand, he rubbed his face, suddenly looking very weary. "It's his heart." Within this softened expression Ruby saw a note of compassion, and was startled to realize it was directed at her. "Sammy isn't like me. He isn't going to screw around with someone he doesn't care about. He doesn't work that way."

Ruby blew him off with a derisive snort. "I'm just convenient."

"He busted into Pandora's box because he trusted you! He's weak because he cares, Ruby. He cares about you, he cares about me. The only way to save him was to leave him the hell alone." The weary look returned as Dean turned his head to gaze out the window into the darkness outside. "I should have left him...."

"Dead?" Ruby finished.

"Me or him," Dean murmured. "Seems like it has to be one or the other."

It unnerved her slightly to hear him use present tense – but only slightly. She'd kill him herself if he tried to lay a hand on Sam, although she doubted he would take that route before he took his own life, even if it meant going back to Hell. Just because she hadn't sensed any bonds on his soul didn't mean there weren't any there. Lilith was still alive, and technically she still owned him.

That thought brought on another.

"So we've established that he's lying to you. Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? Why are you lying to him?"

Dean turned to look at her, scowling. "I'm not lying to him."

"Oh, and now you're lying to me." Ruby stabbed one finger on the tabletop. "You know I came back, and you knew how I got back. That's how you were able to recognize me."

"I hunt things like you for a living. That might have something to do with it."

"Man, you're digging in deep."

His jaw clenched.

"Thanks to Lilith I got what I wanted after all, didn't I?" She curled her lip. "I was there, Dean. I watched them peel you like a grape, and slice you up like they were making jerky. I heard you scream like a little girl...."

"Shut up."

"I know how much it hurt you when Sam was able to call me back, but not you. He left you. Left you there crying for mercy you weren't ever gonna get." Ruby sat back in her seat and crossed her arms over her chest. "How did you get out, Dean?"

"I don't know."

"Liar."

Dean locked eyes with her. She let hers darken to black, and he met them unflinchingly. That spoke volumes, confirmed her suspicions even before he said anything.

"Some," he admitted. "I remember some of it, not all, and I don't remember how I got out. That's the truth."

Ruby relaxed. Her eyes resumed their human appearance. "You two just slay me," she murmured, and shook her head. "You're still playing the same drama games, trying to protect each other from the boogeyman, even if it means lying your asses off instead of opening a line of communication."

"So now you're channeling Dear Abby?"

She slammed her palm down on the table, making the dishes rattle. Her breath caught as she struggled for control of her temper. Despite Sam's influence, and her memories, she could not escape the fact she was a demon. As much as she wanted to believe she could change, she had to admit it was probably not going to happen. Ruby could be patient, but not always tolerant. Dean made her want to snap his neck on a good day. He was pushing her buttons, and it was not a good day.

"Look, I asked him to tell you. I knew you'd be angry. I knew you'd blame me. I also know finding out whatever yanked your ass out of Hell is a priority, so let's cut the crap and worry about Sam later. Nothing I've ever heard of has that kind of power, Dean. It's big, real big, and for some unfathomable reason it wants you."

Dean snorted softly. "Damn, I actually agree with you on something." He shifted his weight, appeared to think carefully about what he would say next. Ruby noted that because it wasn't a characteristic of the pre-Hellfire Dean Winchester. "I don't remember _how_ I got out," he said. "But I know who did the deed."

"Who?"

It was Dean's turn to look smug, but his tone was nothing short of cynical. "The Archangel Castiel, by the command of God."

Ruby frowned. "There's no such thing."

"That's what I said."

"And if there were, why would God want to resurrect _you_? Last I heard they don't canonize sinners or atheists."

He shrugged off the insult. Being true, it wasn't much of one anyway. "I gave you an honest answer, Ruby and you can either believe it, or laugh it off as a bunch of bullshit, I don't care. The fact is Sam and I are both being played like pawns, and I don't like it. So answer _me_ honestly," He paused, and when she had no comment he asked his question. "What makes you think that a low-ranking, damaged little demon like you can control Lucifer's chosen successor?"

Startled, Ruby answered quickly, and slightly out of breath. "Lucifer is more of a myth than God."

Dean just looked at her, his expression impassive. After a moment he shrugged and sat back in his seat. "Yeah, I'm lying to Sam. I'm lying because of the stuff I _do_ remember." His eyes grew distant, his voice slightly ragged. "Count yourself lucky not to have made a name for yourself as a demon hunter. It opens up doors you really don't want opened."

Was he saying what she thought he was saying? No. No way. Ruby had never believed. Most of her kind didn't anymore.

Still, there were enough who did.....

"No. It's impossible." Ruby laughed uneasily. "Satan doesn't exist, and if he ever did, he's long gone."

"If that's what you want to believe, go ahead."

She stared at him, searching his face for any sign of deception, feeling her borrowed heart begin to race when she found none. She knew what it was like to be tortured in Hell by those assigned to do such things, but to have Satan himself wield the whip spoke of pain beyond imagining.

What she saw in his eyes was a reflection of that agony.

"It was...." she whispered. "After I left...."

"I was taken to the ninth circle."

"Oh, my God!"

"Exactly, _your _God. The head demon himself." Dean leaned forward, never taking his eyes off of her. "You know there were some sick bastards who actually envied me?"

Ruby shivered despite herself. She did know. There were some who would definitely envy that attention, lusting to have their blood spilled by the Master's hand, to let him hear their screams as angels might raise their voices in song to their God. Those souls had been lost for a very long time. They were as different from other demons as Ruby was, only instead of being cursed with memories of their humanity, they began to crave that which even demons abhorred. They did not inflict pain on others, they desired it for themselves.

Dean's eyes suddenly shifted away from hers, but not quickly enough to hide the evidence of a haunting memory, nor the pain it brought him. The pain was undoubtedly real, so too the memory. He was telling the truth, and if he was telling the truth about that, the rest of it must also be true. Nothing but an angel of God could have wrested a human soul from the Prince of Darkness.

"Dean," she said softly. "What's going on here?"

He stood up then, tucking his hands in his pockets and hunching his shoulders as if he were cold. A shudder underscored that point. "War," he said. "The war to beat all wars, and we're stuck right in the freakin' middle of it." After a pause he added: "Ruby, if you have a shred of conscience in your black demon heart, you'll pull Sam back from where he's heading."

"And if I don't?" she asked, finding a bit of defiance in the maelstrom of confusion and fear swirling around in her head. It was fear that made her amend her question and reveal her own self-doubts. "What if I can't?"

The look on Dean's face was one of profound grief, and that crushed both her defiance, and her confidence. It fanned the flames of her fear, leaving her vulnerable to the whispered words that followed.

"Don't make me answer that."

"Talk to him!"Ruby blurted, hating the note of desperation in her tone. It had been a long time since she'd felt such emotion. Even Lilith hadn't frightened her like this, and she had never felt the need to protect anyone like she suddenly wanted to protect Sam. "He needs to know what's at stake here!"

"I _can't_ talk to him anymore, thanks to you. He won't listen."

"Don't pin this on me, Dean! You're the one who made the goddamn deal!"

That brought him up short just as he was about to turn and walk away from her. "I know," he said flatly. "I tried to explain that to God's little feathered minion, but he wasn't listening to me either." He snorted. "An atheist and a royal fuck-up. God's scraping the bottom of the barrel isn't he?"

The seed he had planted earlier in the conversation began to grow and blossom. Ruby realized she now had another answer, the answer to the "why" of Dean's return from Hell.

"You're supposed to stop him," she murmured, slowly rising from the booth herself. "Sam. That's why they brought you back." Cocking her head, she regarded him solemnly. "Because you _are_ his weakness."

"I'm not playing Heaven's bitch, Ruby." Dean picked up the bill, and pulled a twenty out of his pocket. Ruby, born in the age of chivalry, let him pay for her meal. "And I'm definitely not letting Hell have Sam. I'll go back myself before I do that."

Ruby caught his arm before he could move away, meeting his eye when he turned back angrily. She took a moment to study him intently once more, but saw nothing new. He'd raised the walls again, and put on the poker face that often provided the boys with their much needed cash. "You would too," she stated, and added, barely audible, a question posed more to herself than Dean. "What is it about him that creates such loyalty?"

Dean extracted his arm from her grip. "Stop him now, Ruby. Before it's too late."

She watched him stalk out the door and vanish quickly out into the darkened street. After giving him a ten count, she walked out the door herself. Outside she saw no trace of Dean. He'd vanished into the night as quickly and thoroughly as one of her own kind, making her wonder for the briefest moment if he _had _been turned. If anyone could rush along the transformation from human to demon it would be Lucifer. The thought made Ruby shudder, but she dismissed the idea. She surely would have sensed _that_.

What she did sense was the fact Dean had left just in time. Her sharp hearing picked up the deep throated rumble of a familiar engine, and her keen eyes saw the flash of lamplight on chrome as a long black hood nosed around the corner. Materializing slowly from the darkness into the bright glow of a streetlamp came a car, Dean's car, driven by Sam.

If there were ever an inanimate object in possession of a soul, it would be the Impala. It had always made her feel odd, made her uneasy, as if it were watching her, just waiting for the right moment to launch itself forward and mow her down. The broad grill seemed to snarl at her as it turned in her direction. It's headlights pinned her in their steady, yellow gaze – a disapproving gaze.

"It's just a car," Ruby murmured, and brazenly stepped off the curb, crossing in front of the car as Sam leaned over and unlocked the passenger's side door for her. She slid inside with a growl low in her throat, and slammed the bitch's door as hard as she could.

_Take that you rolling hunk of junk._

"Hey," Sam said, wincing. He had, of course, assumed she was mad at him when she slammed the door. "Sorry I'm late. Dean was wired. Took him forever to fall asleep, and then the damn car wouldn't start...."

Ruby shook her head slightly. Shortly after Sam slipped out, Dean must have followed.

"You're fine, Sam." A tip of her head and a slight smile reassured him, so he jumped right to the reason why they'd set up a meeting in the first place.

"I got a tip on a demon a half hour's drive from here."

"Sam...." Ruby sighed. The long wait and the conversation (confrontation?) with Dean had left her feeling drained, and not in the mood to hunt anything. In any case there were more pressing matters. The demon wasn't going anywhere. It could be hunted down later. "Sam, listen..."

He didn't.

"If we hurry..."

"No."

Her abrupt response startled him into a confused frown. "No?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Dean," Ruby said quietly, and before he could respond she added. "And....us. What is this, Sam? Huh? What are we doing exactly?"

It was funny, she thought, that most of the time she only saw the differences between the brothers, often wondering if they were really related by blood, or if they were, by how much? There were times however, and this was one of them, where the similarities were striking. She watched Sam's lip quirk in a wry smile and saw the shadow of Dean's features there. She listened to his smart-ass reply and heard Dean's voice in the low purr of the faintly Southern drawl.

"It's a little late for the birds and the bees talk, isn't it Ruby?" He chuckled. "I mean if you don't know what we've been doing..."

"I'm serious." Ruby sat back in her seat and looked out the window. There were clouds on the horizon, and not just literally. What else fate had in store for them was a mystery that deepened by the hour. "What's Dean going to be more pissed about? The fact I'm helping you tap into the powers Azazel gave you, or that you're sleeping with a demon possessed girl?"

She didn't have to look at him. From the soft creak of the leather seat she could tell he'd tensed up, and from the silence she could tell he was not happy to be reminded.

"You told me Kristy volunteered."

Ruby turned to look at him. "Kristy volunteered because she had no other choice." His expression conveyed confusion, so she clarified. "She made a deal, Sam."

"A deal," Sam said tightly. "With you?"

"Yes."

"For what?"

"A spell. It doesn't matter...."

"Yes, it does!"

His raised voice made her flinch and she found herself wrestling back her temper for the second time within the hour. Her reply was edged, sharp with bitterness. Her eyes were as black as pitch. "It's the same thing it always is, Sam. It's always about love, or hate, and life, or death. Dean bought you life because he loves you. Kristy bought death for the bastard ex-boyfriend who shook her baby brain-dead." She took a deep breath and her eyes were Kristy's gentle brown again. "It's always the same."

"She sold her soul."

The words were flat, lifeless, as lifeless as a day-old corpse – and a very apt comparison. He took on the same tone whenever they exorcised a demon and the host did not survive. Sam placed a high value on life. Ruby had learned that very early on in their relationship, long before said relationship took a left turn and ran head on into physical intimacy. Therein lay the problem. For all intents and purposes, Sam was having sex with Kristy, not Ruby. If Kristy was fully on board with the lease of her body – well that was one thing, and anything else was a whole different ball of wax.

If the girl was not entirely willing, what Sam was doing with Ruby constituted rape. Additionally, if the girl's body had died while in Ruby's possession, there was the question of whether or not it was rape _and_ necrophilia. Ruby found it almost laughable what Sam chose as his first concern. Apparently sex with a corpse didn't bother him, but the state of Kristy's soul in the afterlife did.

"Yes. She sold me her soul."

"So when you leave her, if she's dead, she'll go to Hell?"

"She's not dead, just sleeping. Sam, all people who make deals with devils go to Hell," Ruby said softly. "She'll be no different." With forced lightness she added. "So you know, there are worse things than hanging around with you hunting demons and getting laid. She got a good deal."

Sam's hands tightened around the steering wheel. During their exchange they'd been parked at the curb in front of the diner. He now pulled the shift down into gear and eased the car back onto the road. "You should have told me this."

She shrugged. "You're a Hunter, I thought you knew."

He said nothing. He was pissed at her and she knew it. Ruby let him drive for a while, not questioning where they were going, letting him stew until he broke the silence himself.

"What about us?" he asked.

Ruby frowned. He had echoed her own question, but in a somewhat different vein. Where hers was a gentle inquiry, his was a gruff demand. "What about us? What do you mean, what about us?"

For a brief moment Sam took his eyes off the road to give her a hard stare. "Was Dean, right then Ruby? Have I sold my soul? Is that what you got in exchange for teaching me how to use my abilities?"

It had been a long time since she'd been human, and longer still since she'd been even remotely close to someone. She'd never she forgotten how love and loss felt though, all thanks to her own peculiar curse. Lately she'd been feeling a lot of things she had thought would always remain out of her reach after she lost her humanity. Dean sometimes frightened her. Sam wounded her. Dammit. What was wrong with her? Why had she assumed he really cared?

"No," she whispered. "I thought I got something else, but I guess I was wrong."

Turning her head, Ruby stared out at the small, cozy houses lining the street upon which they traveled. Peering at the windows she caught small glimpses of the lives playing out inside each little home. She knew she'd once had a home and a family of her own – once, before the plague came and took everything away from her. In her time there hadn't been many options for a woman left alone by the death of her menfolk. Desperation had led her to witchcraft, and witchcraft had cost Ruby her soul. Now, more than four hundred years later, she'd become what she'd turned to witchcraft to avoid.

She'd thought Sam would be different, but he was no better than his brother. He only saw the body he was screwing with, not the woman behind it. He wasn't raping Kristy's body, he was raping Ruby's soul.

Her fists clenched, nails digging crescent shaped gouges into her palms. She had been so blind, mistaking grief and loneliness for affection. Sam had gravitated toward her for companionship simply because he missed his brother. Sex had become his recreational drug of choice, allowing him to escape the constant ache of guilt from knowing his brother was suffering in Hell to save _Sam's_ demon-touched soul.

Learning to use his abilities was his retribution. Consciously or subconsciously – it didn't matter which – Sam had chosen the same road to martyrdom Dean had, and ultimately it would lead to the same end. Ruby was both a hair shirt and a convenient way to get his rocks off. All he had to do was give her a smile and treat her halfway decent and she would open both her mind and her legs to him. A lesson in witchcraft and a good fuck was all she meant to him.

Whore. She had become Sam Winchester's whore.

"Look, Ruby...."

Ruby shut it all down, withdrawing back into the safety of her demon shell, leaving the human part of her stranded out in the cold. "I want you to stop."

"The car?"

"Using your abilities."

"Oh. Really? Why? Why now?" Sam half turned in his seat, his eyes narrowing. He could make her tell him the truth, she'd taught him how, but regardless of how he might mangle her emotions, he was still far, far above mind-raping her for information. "Answer me. _Have_ I condemned myself to the Pit, Ruby?"

"I don't know, Sam," Ruby snapped in frustration. "I don't know. I don't know what the hell is going on anymore – with me, with you, with...yes, stop the car."

Sam rolled his eyes and kept driving, his voice now taut with annoyance. "Abilities or the car, make up your mind."

"Stop the goddamn car, Sam!"

This time he obeyed, pulling over quickly. Before the Chevy had even stopped rolling Ruby was out of the car and stalking off down the berm. She could ride away on the darkness, letting her human body dissolve into black smoke, the sulfurous ectoplasm that was the physical representation of her demon soul. She could bend time and space like all demons could in order to get where they wanted to go quickly and easily. Another step and she would leave Sam, Dean, and all their crap behind her.

She couldn't make that leap, not yet. Instead she continued to walk down the gravel berm, mindful of the footsteps quickly coming from behind, and allowed Sam to catch up with her. She'd asked Dean what about Sam inspired so much loyalty, and still did not know the answer. One step, one brief moment of concentration and she could go....

But she didn't.

"Ruby. Ruby wait!" His hand on her arm was gentle as he pulled her to a stop. "Don't. Look, I'm sorry I just...."

Ruby stopped, but refused to look at him, crossing her arms over her chest and gazing out toward the cornfield. The stalks were dry, brown and lifeless, depressed, unlike the vibrant, happy green they had been in June and July. They needed to be harvested. She remembered – her husband had been a merchant, but his father owned land. If only they had gone out to the farm instead of staying in town when the rumors of sickness first began.

"Sam," she stated. "Dean's back. You don't need me. Go back to what you were and forget these past four months, everything I've taught you, your abilities...."

"As if I can just shut it all off? I have demon blood in me, Ruby. The abilities won't go away. They'll always be there inside me."

"But you don't have to use them! Dean's right, Sam. He's right. They'll kill you, and then what will I...."

When she turned toward him his face seemed to crumple, his expression shifting from confusion and anger, to sympathetic surprise. Ruby felt something burning upon her cheek. She raised a hand to wipe it away and found, to her horror, dampness upon her fingertips. It still burned, blistering the skin there upon her fingers. She stared at it in shock until Sam quickly grabbed her hand and wiped her fingers with the tail of his shirt. Both her voice and her hand shook.

"Wha....what...."

"Salt," he said softly. "In tears. Have you forgotten?"

"Demons don't cry," Ruby retorted with a snarl.

And yet – there was evidence to the contrary on her wounded fingertips.

"Ruby," His hands held hers between them, warming them. She had not realized they were cold. "_What_ is going on with you tonight?"

"Dean...."

Sam frowned. "What about Dean?" There was concern in his voice. Little Sammy turned protector, but Ruby couldn't tell if the concern was truly for Dean, or for her.

"Sam," she said. "An angel pulled him from Hell." Raising her eyes, she looked up at him. "And that scares the piss out of me."

Of all the things she could have said, she knew Sam had not been expecting that. His expression was almost comical as he struggled between startled surprise and utter disbelief, all with a burst of laughter caught in his throat. The battle apparently ended in a stalemate. He simply said, "An angel?"in a slightly hoarse voice.

"Yes."

"You're serious."

"Yes."

"How do you know this?"

Ruby hesitated. She had revealed nothing to Sam about what had happened to her in Hell beyond the fact she'd been sent straight into the hands of some of Lilith's followers. They'd tortured her, and so had others who had cause to hate her. Ruby was a traitor, a freak among demon-kind just as the monsters the Winchesters hunted were considered freaks among men. This was perhaps why Sam drew her to him. She knew what it was like to be caught between two worlds.

Now she was caught between two brothers, exactly what she did not want. True, she and Dean did not get along, but she had some respect for him. She _had s_een some of the things that were done to him in Hell. Another man would have broken, but not Dean. They'd hurt him, made him scream and moan, but he had not broken. There were no tears, and he never once begged for anything no matter what they did to him. Hell had not been able to get to his core - not at first.

She hadn't lied to him. Ruby had been witness to the moment when he did break. It was when Sam's voice echoed through Hell, when Sam's ability to command demons leeched into the summoning spell he was working and demanded compliance. He was able to open a portal, but it had been keyed to just one soul – Ruby's. Sam dragged Ruby out of Hell as Castiel did Dean months later. What Dean saw as Sam's betrayal had hurt far more than any of the torture he had endured up to that point, cutting deep into the heart of him both figuratively and, due to the particulars of Hell, literally.

Ruby had fled the flames with Dean Winchester's agonized cries echoing in her head. She heard him begging and pleading, _sobbing_ for Sam to help him, but Sam had no knowledge of it, nor the power to do anything about it if he did. He'd left Dean shattered, and at Lucifer's mercy, but he had brought Ruby back whole and....changed.

Now she heard the echo of words Dean spoke back in the diner, and realized she'd misinterpreted their deeper meaning.

"_I can't talk to him anymore, thanks to you."_

There was a festering wound upon the relationship between the brothers, and although it would probably hurt like hell, it had to be lanced. It was time to get them talking, even if it meant an argument of monumental proportions.

"Dean told me," Ruby said. "He was at the diner before you got there." Slowly she turned and started back toward the car. Footsteps in the gravel told her Sam followed. "Castiel, an archangel. I don't know much about them, wasn't even sure they even existed, but I've heard rumors. An archangel doesn't screw around, Sam. They don't interfere with humans unless there's something big going down."

"_Dean_ told _you_ an angel saved him? Why?"

"Why did it save him?" Ruby stopped at the passenger's door and leaned against the car.

"That, and....why did he tell you, not me? How did he even know that you...." Sam gestured toward her with one hand in a sweeping motion from head to toes. "Are you?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "Does it matter? This is bad, Sam, real bad."

With a small snort of derision, Sam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, if an angel is consorting with _my_ brother it can only mean the end of the world."

"That's exactly what it means!" At his startled look, Ruby continued. "We're already at war. Demons walk the earth by the hundreds and more keep finding ways out every day."

"Then we should keep hunting them!"

"No!"

"Why not? Ruby, I can kill them, send them back to Hell, and their victims survive! How is that bad? How can saving people be bad?"

Ruby took a deep breath. "You need to talk to your brother."

Sam snarled. "He doesn't seem to want to talk to me."

"Yes he does, Sam. More than that, he _needs_ to talk to you. He's been lying out his ass to you about what he remembers."

"What...what? He doesn't remember anything. He told me...."

"Are you deaf? I said he's lying. Ask him, Sam. Ask him about Hell and watch his eyes when he says he doesn't remember. There's where you'll find the truth."

Sam abruptly turned away, his voice unsteady as the portent of her statement sank in and he realized escaping Hell didn't necessarily relieve the agony of having been there. "Son of a bitch."

Stalking around to the driver's side of the car, he got inside, slamming the door so hard the vehicle rocked. He sat motionless behind the wheel, trying to keep the painful emotions churning inside him at bay. Ruby had seen him like this before, not long after her return, one night when Dean's death hit him hard – like the relapse of a horrible illness. It had been the same night they'd first slept together. Sam had been drunk on loneliness and Tequila.

Ruby had been drunk on him.

Now, like that night, she was inexplicably drawn to him, heedless of what that meant and the consequences it would bring. She slipped quietly back into the passenger's seat. Sam started the car and pulled out into the road, but he did not continue in the same direction. Instead he took advantage of a nearby driveway to turn the big Chevy around. Ruby saw him fighting tears and didn't press him to talk They headed back toward town.

She should have walked away back there on the side of the road, left Sam in Dean's charge again and washed her hands of both the Winchesters and the crusade she'd taken upon herself. It had started out as a lust for vengeance. Ruby had heard the whispers about Azazel's children, Sam in particular. Demons high on the totem pole were worried, afraid, and Ruby hatched a plan to get Sam on her side, to use him to hurt those who had hurt her. She'd finally succeeded. Here they were, hunting demons, sending them back to Hell. She'd never in a million years suspected she would actually begin to care again, and to hope someone cared back. Sam had done this to her. She should be damning him, not coddling him, and certainly not sleeping with him!

Lucifer's chosen successor. What did that mean? More than that, what did it mean to her? Would it perhaps be just as wise to let things ride? If she remained by Sam's side until the bitter end could she attain the power, the rank, that Lilith now commanded? If so, then no one could touch her, hurt her again.

_But could I do that to Sam?_

She had painted herself into a corner. With that thought she confirmed what she'd been trying to deny – that she'd fallen in love with Sam. It wasn't the Hunter, the demon killer, but the gentle young man at the heart of him that made her care. He was always trying to do the right thing, and perhaps save himself from a dark and ugly destiny at the same time. She loved the man who loved his brother, who defied his father to make his own life, who knew when it was time to fight and when it was time to back away. In all her many, many years she had only met one other man who had such integrity and who made her feel the way she felt about Sam.

That scared her. Losing him scared her even more.

"I can't save you, Sam," she said shakily.

Sam glanced at her as they pulled up and parked in the motel lot. There was a light on in the brothers' room. A shadow passed in front of the curtain, a shadow with a familiar shape. Dean was there, and awake, waiting for Sam to return.

"I'm sorry," Ruby murmured. She got out of the car before he could say anything. "Listen to your brother, not me. If anyone can help you now it will be him. I can't....I can't do this anymore."

"What?"

She heard the Impala's door creak open.

"Save me from what? Ruby! Ruby no, don't....!

A blink and time folded, the laws of physics raped by demonic power, and Ruby vanished from the motel parking lot leaving Sam behind. He'd be mad. Angry at Ruby, he'd spare no punches in the confrontation he would soon be having with his brother, and Ruby felt a little sorry for Dean on that point. Still, the two brothers would hash things out and get back to normal – or as normal as they could ever hope to be within the chaos their lives had become.

She reappeared in an alley outside a bar one state over from where she'd left Sam. She arrived with a plan. She'd get drunk, maybe score a good looking guy and do him good, no strings attached. Sam? Sam who? She'd drown her feelings beneath an avalanche of carnal lust. Maybe, just maybe, she'd let the guy live when she was done with him – or maybe not. Her misery made her bloodthirsty. She craved sex and violence. Maybe she'd kill him at the peak of climax, send him off with a bang.

"Not," Ruby said softly to herself. "In this body." Kristy was Sam's. He'd claimed this shell. Ruby would find another and cleanse herself of the memory of his touch.

With this thought she headed for the entrance of the alley, but was brought to a halt by the sound of a voice from somewhere behind her.

"Who do you really want to believe?"

Ruby turned quickly, her knife in her hand. A man had materialized out of the darkness at the back of the alley. He stood just a few feet from her, staring at her intently with a pair of dark blue eyes that sent a chill up her borrowed spine. When she'd been alive Ruby had been sensitive to things that were out of the ordinary, another reason why she'd turned to witchcraft, and there was nothing _ordinary_ about this man. His very pores oozed power, phenomenal power held in check by the miasma of calm that surrounded him.

If that didn't convince her of his identity, the brilliant being she could see lurking within the human shell most certainly did. This was the creature who defied Lucifer himself and brought Dean back from Hell's basement.

"You're Castiel," she said, and put the knife away. It would be useless against him.

"Answer the question."

Ruby bristled, poised to tell him to take his damn question and shove it up his angelic ass. Instead she surprised herself by reigning back her temper and asking softly, "I don't understand it."

He acquiesced with a nod, and clarified his meaning. "Do you believe Sam is only using you, as _you_ have theorized, or do you believe Dean when he tells you his brother cares for you?"

"Is this a trick question?"

Castiel had been walking forward as he spoke. Now he stood within striking range of her, within arm's length. Had he wanted to harm her it would have been disgustingly easy for him. "It is," he said softly. "Only a question."

"What's it to you?"

In an entirely human gesture, the angel shrugged. "Call me curious. I have labored for many centuries under the belief that demons could feel nothing, cared only about themselves, but yet you...." He cocked his head sideways like a curious puppy, his eyes wide with wonder. "You're different."

Ruby ignored that part. "Do I win a prize if I answer correctly?"

"If there is one correct answer, perhaps."

"A new car?" she snorted.

"Not within my ability."

"But yanking a man out of Hell is?"

Castiel shrugged again. "I had God's blessing."

"God's become senile in his old age if he's blessing a son-of-a-bitch like Dean Winchester," Ruby stated, crossing her arms over her chest. Her defiance faded, however, as Castiel took yet another step forward and met her face to face, eye to eye.

She'd stepped over the line. The angel's features had hardened into a stern expression and his benign demeanor changed dramatically. Here was no golden winged Christmas tree topper, but a highly skilled soldier poised to bring down his wrath upon the enemy. He could be as dark and cruel as any demon if it were necessary, if that's what he had to do in the service of his God – the God Ruby had just insulted. She stood mercilessly pinned beneath his gaze. When he spoke his tone was sharp, the reprimand a reminder of what he could do to her if he so desired.

"You are in no position to question God's will, Isobel."

Ruby let out a gasp before she could stop herself, wounded by the sound of the name on his lips. She hadn't been called by her birth name since she'd been a living girl. She'd abandoned it when she'd taken to the streets, took the name Ruby when she'd become a witch, and when she'd died Isobel was purged from her completely by the flames of Hell. Gathering herself, she faced both the angel and the painful memories he'd roused.

"I've been to Hell, and escaped twice now. I'm not afraid of you."

Castiel probably knew she was bluffing but didn't call her on it. "You are afraid of Him."

"God?" Ruby scoffed.

"Lucifer. You fear him, and yet he tantalizes you, much like Sam does. Perhaps I should arrange for you to meet him."

The threat was real. He would, and could, dispatch her to Hell again, and if he could snatch Dean away from Lucifer, he could certainly deliver Ruby right into the Liar's clutches with very little effort. Her position was precarious. Sam and Dean were the centerpieces of this battle, and Sam's continued existence was not guaranteed. In the larger scheme of things the meddling demon who helped unlock Sam's powers following Azazel's destruction was more than expendable, like a cockroach. Castiel could squash her beneath his heel without even twitching.

"I would think," she said quietly. "That playing cupid is far beneath an archangel."

"You want to believe yourself because it gives you an excuse to walk away. You want to believe Dean because you _are_ in love with his brother."

"If you knew the answer, why did you ask the question?" Ruby spat, suddenly angry enough to claw out this arrogant creatures eyes. Love? What did either of them know about love? It was a human disease and neither of them were human – or at least, had not been for a very, very long time. "What do you want from me?"

The angel surprised her by smiling. "Your soul," he said. "You have your own journey to take, Isobel, just like Sam, just like Dean." His blue eyes rolled upward, toward Heaven presumably, but here on Earth's plane he gave his reverence to a street lamp. "Call it – a second chance."

"God's generous these days."

"He has a long memory." Castiel returned his attention to the alleyway and Ruby. "You were his once, before the temptations of the flesh took you away."

"Temptations of the flesh....That's crap. I never took any vows," Ruby growled. "I left the church for a legitimate marriage, not some one night stand. Richard was a good man, everything _God_ should have approved of."

"And once freed from your vows to him you could have returned to us."

"Why? Huh? Why would I have done that when He took everything I ever loved away from me? God? What God would sit back and watch _thousands _of people suffer and die from something as horrible as the Black Death? No." Ruby shook her head slowly. "No. I never left Him. He left _me_! He left me with a dead husband, a baby dying inside me, and no family left to speak of! I did what I had to do to survive!"

Castiel's pitying expression was infuriating."You sold your soul."

"What difference did it make? I was already in Hell!"

It all came flooding back as if it were yesterday, not centuries past: Richard's slow, agonizing death, her miscarriage, the brief time she'd spent living in the filthy streets trading sex for food, and the relief she'd felt when the demon came with an offer to save her from that life. The demon taught her witchcraft, showed her how to survive on her own without having to compromise her body. Little had she known she had already compromised her soul – or maybe she had known, but just didn't care.

Ten years later a demon hound took her to Hell for the first time._ Centuries_ later Lilith had tortured her with the very same hound, knowing Ruby could remember her own encounter with the beast. Lilith had set the hound on Dean and Ruby had been forced to watch, trapped with Lilith inside her human host. She remembered what it felt like to be torn open and devoured alive by a Hell Hound. Shefelt _her_ bones splintering when it tore open Dean's chest. _She_ writhed in agony as it wrapped its jaws around his still beating heart and swallowed it whole - just as it had her own.

It had been not only the memory of Dean's bloody death she took back to Hell with her; it was the sound of Sam screaming himself hoarse as he begged Lilith to stop, and the horror in his eyes as he watched his brother die.

The pain of those memories forced her to slump against the brick wall of the building behind her. Why was she different? Why couldn't she be like the others and forget it all?

Salt burned her eyes and her cheeks, but this time there was no one there to wipe it away. A terrible ache filled her chest. She had only been gone for a few minutes and already she missed Sam's presence.

"I hate you." Her voice was rough and shaky, twisted by tears. "I've hated you. You took....everything....from me." Breath catching, Ruby bowed her head and wiped her eyes on her sleeve, her mouth quirking in a mirthless smile. "And now you've sent your feathered puppet down to torment me? Couldn't let Lilith have all the fun, could you? Why? Why me?" She couldn't stop, couldn't stop the burning tears, nor the words that could almost have been called a prayer, but her voice faded to a nearly inaudible whisper when she made her final plea. "Don't take Sam too."

"It isn't God who will do that, Isobel."

The angel's voice was kind, sympathetic. It made Ruby despise him even more. Hate was so much easier than love. The dark path was like a newly paved road, smooth and easy to travel, whereas the highway to heaven was rough and rutted, filled with potholes and sharp rocks. Ruby had traveled both before and knew them well. Once again she'd been offered the power to choose her path but this time there were more souls at stake than just her own. Before she felt as if she had nothing to lose. Now....

"I thought I was doing the right thing," Ruby whispered hoarsely. "He has the power to save people."

"And Lucifer was once one of my kind," Castiel pointed out carefully. "You cannot look at his abilities as a gift. They are symptoms of a disease. The more he interacts with them the more the disease will spread."

Ruby shuddered, recalling how quickly the plague had spread through the city of London, and how many people had died. "Can he be cured?"

"I don't know. Azazel has hidden his objectives well – too well."

"And my second chance involves figuring them out for you?"

"Dean cannot save his brother on his own. If," the angel added. "He can save him at all." He gave Ruby a solemn nod. "Go back, Isobel. Save Sam, and save yourself."

He gave her no opportunity to respond. Time folded once more, space contracted, but not by her hand. Ruby found herself standing outside the Winchesters' motel, alone save for the car. Hot metal still cooled beneath the Chevy's hood. It made a sound much like that of a clock, or a heartbeat.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

In counterpoint to the Impala's heartbeat came raised voices and the crash of something shattering as it fell. Ruby could not make out what they were saying but the tone was obvious. They were angry, hurt, voices.

And then, abruptly, silence.

Ruby cocked her head, listening, but heard nothing. Alarmed, she rushed for the motel room door, her first instinct being to kick it in and plunge inside with her weapon drawn, but instead of barging in, she plastered herself up against the wall and peered in through the window. Although the curtain was pulled there remained a crack at one side that provided her with a good view of nearly the entire room and its contents.

Seeing Sam sitting on one of the beds, whole and unharmed, made her sigh with relief. Dean was there too, standing beside a dresser with the shattered remains of a broken lamp strewn around his feet. His arms were crossed over his chest in an angry, defiant manner. In contrast Sam's head was bowed, his shoulders slumped, as if he had just lost his best friend. Judging from the look on Dean's face, perhaps he had.

Sam could not bring himself to meet his brother's condemning gaze. He raised his hands to hide the depths of his misery. The tears that made their way through his fingers, and the sob that shook his shoulders could not be hidden from either Dean or Ruby. She, however, was the only witness to the battle Dean fought between an instinctual need to offer his little brother comfort, and the more important need to make sure his reprimand stuck. She saw the anger fade from his expression She saw his look of tender heartache. The stern expression only returned when Sam gathered himself and raised his head again. Dean had realized there would be time enough for affection once he made sure Sam was safe.

It was a lesson Ruby took to her own heart.

She was waiting at the car when Dean came outside. He saw her, and where she expected anger, she saw only weary resignation. Slowly he approached to lean against the Chevy's broad, black flank next to her. He said nothing. Ruby provided a prompt.

"What did you tell him?" she asked.

Dean stared off into the distance where the sun had just begun to brighten the night sky. A sliver of light blue and dusty pink hovered near the horizon. "I told him about Castiel. I told him about the things I heard when I was in Hell." He bit his lip. His voice grew slightly hoarse. "I told him about Lilith, and Lucifer. He's scared."

"Scared straight?"

"I was afraid," he continued, not bothering to answer her question. "He'd be too far gone."

"But he wasn't, he isn't."

"Yeah, he's okay. For now anyway."

Pushing himself off the car, Dean circled around to the trunk. Ruby heard the creak of the lid opening, the clink of glass and the clatter of metal bottle caps hitting the pavement. When he returned he held two beers, still cold from the ice slowly melting in the cooler. The night had been chill, but with the rising of the sun things were beginning to warm. It didn't matter either way. Sometimes one needed a stiff drink no matter what the time or temperature.

Ruby took a long drink. "I told you, but you couldn't trust me enough." she stated. She toyed with her beer bottle, tracing the label with her finger. "So....what did he tell you?"

Dean drank, waited, and drank again before he answered. "He told me about an abandoned house, a bottle of booze and a loaded gun." He snorted softly. "Knew the kid had to be drunk and desperate to do a demon."

Their eyes met. Nobody was fooling anybody.

It was Dean who looked away first. He drowned the "thank you" in cheap beer. It tasted like sweat socks, leading Ruby to wonder if the flavor was inherent to the brew or if Dean had been keeping it in close proximity to the brothers' dirty laundry.

"I never told him about seeing you in Hell," Ruby said. "Or he might have pulled the trigger anyway."

"So he pulled yours instead? Or was it the other way around?"

"You know, Hell sure didn't change you much. You're still a lecherous asshole."

With a wry grin, he shrugged. "Sam told me you ducked out on him. I figured you were gone for good. What made you come back this time?"

Ruby narrowed her eyes and growled, "Castiel."

"Ah," Dean nodded knowingly. "Irritating son-of-a-bitch, isn't he?"

"I never thought I'd ever meet a bigger pain in the ass than you, Dean."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Don't. It wasn't meant to be." Angrily, Ruby ground her teeth. "God has a cruel sense of humor putting the fate of the world in the hands of an asshole and a defective demon."

"Whatever it takes to keep Sammy safe," Dean murmured. "I've been to Hell – you've been to Hell – this should be easy, right?"

Ruby uttered a quick snort of derision. "Don't count on it, Dean."

"Why was I afraid you'd say that?" With a sigh, Dean raised his bottle, but paused before drinking to look at her askance. "What did Cas offer you then?"

She shrugged. "My soul, more or less. If I earn enough points, I get to run it through purgatory's car wash. Bully for me."

"So he offered you forgiveness."

"Yeah," Ruby said softly. "Whatever that means."

A memory surfaced, an old one, a very old one. Now, when she looked in a mirror it didn't matter what body she wore, she could still see the twisted being behind the mask; a deformed countenance scarred by centuries of pain, torment and the flames of Hell. Her memory divulged to her what she had once been. Ruby saw a pretty young girl in a novice's habit, kneeling at the altar rail, her head bowed as she prayed to God for His blessing. She was leaving the Church's service for the love of a man who soon joined her at the rail. He would take her as his wife and take her to his bed. She could still recall the taste of his lips when he kissed her and feel the touch of his gentle hands upon her body as he kindled passions she never knew existed. Richard hadn't been as good looking as Sam, but they shared the same pleasant smile. In her memory Richard smiled at her.

"_Isobel...."_

Maybe she should have just taken her vows and told Richard to go screw himself.

She polished off her beer and tossed the bottle off into the brush at the edge of the parking lot. Dean mentioned littering. Ruby mentioned the fact she was a demon and didn't give a rat's ass. His bottle joined hers. She saw him pull his keys from his pocket. The Impala's door squeaked as he opened it.

"That's some shitty beer," he said. "There's a mini-mart down the road a way, or I might drive into town and find a liquor store." His eyes flicked past a point somewhere beyond Ruby's shoulder. "Yeah, maybe I'll do that."

Puzzled, Ruby was about to ask him what the hell, when out of the corner of her eye she saw what had momentarily caught his attention. The door to the Winchesters' motel room was open. The silhouette standing there in the doorway to their room was unmistakably Sam's, confirmed when he spoke. Ruby heard the low rumble of his voice calling to her as Dean peeled out of the parking lot and knew she could not avoid him. Slowly she made her way toward the room.

"I thought I'd lost you for good this time," he said gently. He sounded relieved. He _was _relieved. "I'm glad you came back."

"Yeah, well you should know from experience you can't get rid of me that easily."

Sam smiled. "Yeah, I should, shouldn't I." He rolled his eyes heavenward and sighed. "I should and shouldn't be doing a lot of things," he added, but his smile never wavered. His eyes met hers. He reached out a hand to finger a lock of her hair. "Ruby...."

"_Isobel."_

For a moment Ruby simply stood there basking in the warmth of that smile. It filled her with a longing she hadn't felt in a very, very, long time. More than anything in the world she wanted to return his affection, smile at him and reveal her true feelings, but she didn't, she couldn't.

Not yet. Not until she knew he was safe.

Brutally suppressing her more delicate emotions, Ruby pushed her way into the room with a snarl. Love, lust, demon, human, none of it mattered. All she needed now was to feel his arms around her. There wouldn't be much time for it either. Dean had a lead foot.

Once Sam shut the door she turned sharply and barked an order at him.

"Shut up and get naked."

Much to her pleasure, she didn't have to tell him twice.


End file.
